Oh hi there kids
Pull up a chair. Have a cup of tea. Yes I did make that cake, yes it does have a vegetable in it, yes you can have some. No there is no icing on it. There isn't anybody who has time for that.
I recently discovered a terrifying phenomenon; inappropriate salad. Before you get too carried away (saucy!), I have to tell you the story.
I was feeling self-imposedly rather unwell. And a Major Babe wanted to go to Paraparaumu, so that we could frolic like majestic sealions in the surf. And have Wendy's. While any kind of frolic is enough to get me to go anywhere*, I think the Wendy's was selling point for MB.
Which is possibly why MB was very much less than impressed when I ordered... a salad.
To be fair, there was a lot of pressure on me. There was a line. And I was hungry. So hungry I had actually already gone once through the line (pushing a small and weedy child from my path) to get chips to eat in the line the second time around. And the board had really small writing. And I felt that quite possibly iceburg lettuce would cure my feeling of imminent stomach, head, and liver death.
This is a picture of me. Except, there were more seagulls. And more gay.
Photo credit: http://thehairpin.com/2011/01/women-laughing-alone-with-salad
The salad itself was inoffensive, but I, and those around me, really thought that a line had been crossed. When you drive for 45 minutes to get fast food, and you get a salad? I can't decide if I should get a small but glittery certificate or a slap. Can supply mailing address for certificate, yes.
Anyhow, I got over myself by eating half of MB's chips covered in mince sauce covered in plastic cheese, using my salad fork, and order was restored to my world. Then we went on the waterslide for like, three hours. I got so excited that I accidentally threw a volleyball into my friend's face. And then threw it into my other friend's face. Then had to go paddle in the corner for a bit to calm down. Then I had an ice cream. The end.
So, having established that I like salad, here is a RIDICULOUSLY delicious one to make in summer, when sort of coloury squishy things** are in season.
THIS is one of the things in season. It is a sassy tiny courgette. It is, literally, me. Except a courgette.
Mad photoshop skills right thurr.
________________________________________________________________
Epic salad.
THINGS:
1 red capsicum, roasted & diced
3 corn cobs, microwaved and kernals sliced off
2 limes, juiced (also zest if you want, I guess. Whatever)
1 red onion, diced
1 tablespoon olive oil
Bitchload of fresh coriander (highly technical term)
2 avocados, diced
salt and pepper (I assume people just do this anyway, then one time, this guy was like "the recipe you gave me didn't taste like anything! I don't understand! And I realised, I forgot to specifically tell him to add salt. Bitches***, please! Salt is delish. Also, don't eat things in cans cos sneaky salt. But just putting salt on things not in cans? Ideal! Best case scenario! Also, I like pepper a lot)
DOING:
Put everything in a bowl.
Eat it.
________________________________________________________________
Right so, peace out people. Eat things. Frolic. I like all of you indiscriminately much.
(Especially you, Liz)
Until next time.
EN
*Lies. Babes in bikinis. That is all.
**capsicums, eggplants, courgettes, tomatoes, chillies, corn. COLOURS!
***I will henceforth use this to mean, fab sassy people of all denominations who I like.
Pull up a chair. Have a cup of tea. Yes I did make that cake, yes it does have a vegetable in it, yes you can have some. No there is no icing on it. There isn't anybody who has time for that.
I recently discovered a terrifying phenomenon; inappropriate salad. Before you get too carried away (saucy!), I have to tell you the story.
I was feeling self-imposedly rather unwell. And a Major Babe wanted to go to Paraparaumu, so that we could frolic like majestic sealions in the surf. And have Wendy's. While any kind of frolic is enough to get me to go anywhere*, I think the Wendy's was selling point for MB.
Which is possibly why MB was very much less than impressed when I ordered... a salad.
To be fair, there was a lot of pressure on me. There was a line. And I was hungry. So hungry I had actually already gone once through the line (pushing a small and weedy child from my path) to get chips to eat in the line the second time around. And the board had really small writing. And I felt that quite possibly iceburg lettuce would cure my feeling of imminent stomach, head, and liver death.
This is a picture of me. Except, there were more seagulls. And more gay.
The salad itself was inoffensive, but I, and those around me, really thought that a line had been crossed. When you drive for 45 minutes to get fast food, and you get a salad? I can't decide if I should get a small but glittery certificate or a slap. Can supply mailing address for certificate, yes.
Anyhow, I got over myself by eating half of MB's chips covered in mince sauce covered in plastic cheese, using my salad fork, and order was restored to my world. Then we went on the waterslide for like, three hours. I got so excited that I accidentally threw a volleyball into my friend's face. And then threw it into my other friend's face. Then had to go paddle in the corner for a bit to calm down. Then I had an ice cream. The end.
So, having established that I like salad, here is a RIDICULOUSLY delicious one to make in summer, when sort of coloury squishy things** are in season.
THIS is one of the things in season. It is a sassy tiny courgette. It is, literally, me. Except a courgette.
________________________________________________________________
Epic salad.
THINGS:
1 red capsicum, roasted & diced
3 corn cobs, microwaved and kernals sliced off
2 limes, juiced (also zest if you want, I guess. Whatever)
1 red onion, diced
1 tablespoon olive oil
Bitchload of fresh coriander (highly technical term)
2 avocados, diced
salt and pepper (I assume people just do this anyway, then one time, this guy was like "the recipe you gave me didn't taste like anything! I don't understand! And I realised, I forgot to specifically tell him to add salt. Bitches***, please! Salt is delish. Also, don't eat things in cans cos sneaky salt. But just putting salt on things not in cans? Ideal! Best case scenario! Also, I like pepper a lot)
DOING:
Put everything in a bowl.
Eat it.
________________________________________________________________
Right so, peace out people. Eat things. Frolic. I like all of you indiscriminately much.
(Especially you, Liz)
Until next time.
EN
*Lies. Babes in bikinis. That is all.
**capsicums, eggplants, courgettes, tomatoes, chillies, corn. COLOURS!
***I will henceforth use this to mean, fab sassy people of all denominations who I like.
