Goaty curry.
So! Hello my dear fan(s), etc.
Now, your first question may in fact be;
why would I ever deliberately eat something as uniquely hilarious as a goat?
Well. I have one simple answer. Goat, while
being a completely stupid animal, does, honestly, taste amazing. And, it’s a
bit different and will (possibly) impress people. Or freak them out completely
into a mad spotty sulk (ref, teenaged brother). Mostly impress. Another also,
v. v. cheap! Goats can be located close to any rural locality, tied to fences,
staring madly at you with evil flat yellow demon eyes. A bit of
accidental-on-purpose wild reversing and goat is yours. Lies, all lies, dear
farmers. I bought mine from new world. Or so you think.
Now.
Evil goat:
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| stolen from: ant0525.wordpress.com |
----------DA RECIP.-------------------------------------------------------
Things:
-bits of goat (I used 1kg, with bones and
bits. Bones totally make curries have more interesting flavour AND provide
fascinating conversation of the
what-exactly-is-this-I-dearly-hope-it’s-a-peppercorn variety)
-2 cans tomatoes
-2 onions
-2 carrots (or other rooties)
-garlic
-ginger
-spices*
-water. You may or may not wish to refer to
this last as “mineral aqua”. My shampoo does.
-oil, butter, or whatever floats your boat.
Obviously. Do I even need to include this?
*goat is a sort of northern indian-ish
thing? Right? Is that racist? Hope not. Anyhow, so I use a random sprinkling of
cardamom, pepper, sumac, fenugreek seeds and dried chillies. If you have some
or all of these, then chuck them in. I just bash it in my mortar first, but
whatevs. How much? “A pinch” is the technical cheffy term. Look, it’s not
fucking baking alright?
Fry onions til they go clear. Add garlic,
ginger, and spices for a couple minutes. Chuck in goaty bits. Fry until brown.
Add tomatoes, carrots, and a couple cans of water. Bring to boil then put on
low and simmer for 3 hours or until bored. (Note: The longer the better. Also,
the longer the more digestible. Do you have a slow cooker? K cool. Want to just
braise it in a low over for however long? You go girl. Just cook it until the
stock has reduced right down and the meat is falling off the bones. YUM!)
Eat.
Ya so, I made mine with gorgeous little
flatbreads** and boring rice that dad made me make “and make it PLAIN so Paddy
will eat it!!!” (Paddy didn’t eat it) and some divine baba ghanoush with burnt
aubergine… Holy Jesus it was delish. Yumyumyum. Also, super cheap and healthy
and fun cos it’s like.. what’s that? A motherfucking GOAT! Bam.
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Other things.
I think there should be an acceptable
signal for “you are a shit driver” that I can give people without having to be
terrified that they will subsequently come and beat me up in a comical and
palmerston-north-type manner. But, sadly, until there is, I will just have to
further perfect my eye roll and lip curl.
Also, I am getting business cards. Wooo!
Who wants to have some excited nutritiony and sporty fun?
(chorus of excited cheers in the
background, as expected.)
Good. Good.
Hmmm…. Next time perhaps I will make
something mean. Any suggestions? I want falafal. Falafel? Filifil. Fuluful.
Just fried chickpeas, get in my life.
Wait batedly, etc.
Ciao.
Excited nutritionist.
**flatbreads: (stolen and wildly adapted
from dish magazine)
- 2 cups flour
- 4t baking powder
- random ground spices
- random chopped green herbs
- 1 cup milk/yog
blend it. roll it. chop it. fry it.
